Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

More Than a Glimpse

Shutters closed, drapes lowered, lights off! Everything just stumbles into darkness.  Everything but a small glimpse of hope! Pillows fluffed, eyes drooping, body tucked in trying to relax, my soul drifts away looking down at her dwelling place.  My soul shivers, quivers, and then dwindles.  My soul is ready to leave and abandon her ship but feels chained and buried down under so much unexplainable weight.  My soul aches with every movement, every twitch, and every 'ah and ooh' that the body hollers at her.

She looks down at the horrible prison of so called body then looks back at that small glimpse of light. She feels that lingering pain and those twitching aches, and wishes to escape into that glimpse of light.  At moments like these, she wants to escape that fragile body so bad that she is willing to risk it all! She wants to escape that feeling of soreness, sadness, and nothingness and go into that small glimpse of light hoping for a place where there is no more sorrow and no more pain.

Every night, when everything is so alarmingly quiet, my soul tries to escape but something stronger pulls her back again into that despicable body!  Every night, my soul soars for a second only to be pulled back into this horrible dwelling. She tries to understand what makes this body's control overwhelming when in reality, it's only drenching and suffocating!

In that short second,my soul soars in search of that power that ties her down into that awful body; that power that makes all this sorrow worthwhile and all this pain bearable. She tries to understand why despite what the body uses from all sorts of pain to smack her down, she still wakes up every morning to go through all of it one more time.  She looks through that glimpse of light searching for an answer and for the reason to find it all summed up in one word, which is hope.

My soul fights every night to wake up for a hope of a new day, a new moment, and a better future. She hopes for a new day with her loved ones, a new moment of pride and accomplishment that she sees in each one of her kids, and a better future full of tender smiles, warm hugs, and affectionate kisses. My soul sleeps every night despite all what my body inflicts on her, knowing for sure that what is to come, will be worth more than just a glimpse. 

Friday, January 22, 2016

Relationships

Sitting here in utter darkness, darkness that is engulfing and surrounding me from the inside out, I try to comprehend the meaning of all what we go through in this life and especially the relationships we build and the ones we destroy.  I try to understand what kind of logic people base their relationships on.  I try to gaze out of the darkness in search of a light that will guide me and show me something, something that will help me understand, but all I see is emptiness and more darkness.

What does that mean and why can’t I find an answer? Is it so hard to understand and comprehend the nature of relationships that we cannot even pinpoint the base on which one is created and another doomed?

I stop looking around me and I start looking deep within.  I look at my own relationships, the present and the past ones and suddenly all I come across is an aching feeling; a feeling that intrigues me more.

I look deeper into my heart to only find a hardened heart, a disappointed one, and a heart that has lost all hope. The question that lingers then is why and how did my heart become so heavy, hard, and dark? When did it stop beating with life?

I shut my eyes and try to shake that feeling off wanting to erase what I saw and make it disappear, but I cannot.  I cannot deny what has become of me, of my heart, and my life.  I have to understand why I am seeing this now.  Oh yes! Relationships; that is the cause of what I am feeling now!

Why does my heart ache more when I think of the word ‘relationships’? Maybe because I had built so much hope on so many relationships to watch them eventually dismantle and fall apart because of others’ dark motives. Who know? After all, there is no light to clarify things.  No light at all! There is just utter darkness.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Tomorrow


She trudges heavily towards the bed unable to withstand the pains and aches that swarmed all over her body and then she  climbs onto the softness of the bed to cover herself with her warm and fluffy blanket.  She lays her head on her friend of confidence and shares her dreams of a tomorrow that she hopes will become her today.  Then she looks beyond the present into a future that only the dark night knows of and she sees among that darkness a white cloud that draws a smile on her face but eventually, it disappears in the emptiness of the night to remind her of her own hollow soul.