Sitting here in utter darkness, darkness that is engulfing and surrounding me from the inside out, I try to comprehend the meaning of all what we go through in this life and especially the relationships we build and the ones we destroy. I try to understand what kind of logic people base their relationships on. I try to gaze out of the darkness in search of a light that will guide me and show me something, something that will help me understand, but all I see is emptiness and more darkness.
What does that mean and why can’t I find an answer? Is it so hard to understand and comprehend the nature of relationships that we cannot even pinpoint the base on which one is created and another doomed?
I stop looking around me and I start looking deep within. I look at my own relationships, the present and the past ones and suddenly all I come across is an aching feeling; a feeling that intrigues me more.
I look deeper into my heart to only find a hardened heart, a disappointed one, and a heart that has lost all hope. The question that lingers then is why and how did my heart become so heavy, hard, and dark? When did it stop beating with life?
I shut my eyes and try to shake that feeling off wanting to erase what I saw and make it disappear, but I cannot. I cannot deny what has become of me, of my heart, and my life. I have to understand why I am seeing this now. Oh yes! Relationships; that is the cause of what I am feeling now!
Why does my heart ache more when I think of the word ‘relationships’? Maybe because I had built so much hope on so many relationships to watch them eventually dismantle and fall apart because of others’ dark motives. Who know? After all, there is no light to clarify things. No light at all! There is just utter darkness.