Friday, July 24, 2009

Past Memories

I lifted my arms in an attempt to hold it and feel it but in vain. It disappeared in an amazing haze that astounded me. For a while, it felt like reality and I belonged to it. I wondered around in its atmosphere trying to take in all its beauty. Desperate for that feeling, I roamed the essence of my past trying to visualize every part of it. I tried to feel it and to immortalize it but again in vain.

It disappeared in the vastness of the present erasing every happy moment I tried to relive. I only wanted to have part of the past in my present and maybe a little bit less in my future but as I said all was in vain. They are the past memories that live in me and are gradually subsiding into a vapor of the unknown that even my soul could not identify.

Seductive Autumn

The way they fell down with their orange reddish color was so breathtaking that she could not stop staring at the sight. She has always loved and admired nature but this time it was so different. These leaves had something catchy in the way they went down swiftly until they touched the surface of the river that laid there underneath that huge tree. It was as if she was falling in love with each one of those leaves. She had to go closer and touch one single leaf. It felt so soft to the touch of her hand that she continued holding on to it for a while then gently placed it where it supposed to be.

As an author, she had to taste the beauty of nature that hid in its elements. She had to feel the mystery behind each scenery in order to be able to step away from reality into the unexpected romantic atmosphere that she needed to be inspired in order to come out with the flow of words that pour out on her pages. In the broad picture, nature has always leaped out at her to help her write spicy love stories. She needed nature to help her understand and inhabit the lives of the characters she will pitch into her stories that wound up being published.

When she was in nature, she was able to write whatever she thought of without holding back. This time was an exception. She did not only enjoy the scene of autumn leaves dying on the invisible mirror of water but she also decided to linger on its beauty until she was sure she will be able to paint this picture again in her mind whenever she needed. She felt the tranquility with which those leaves advanced towards the murky waters underneath the huge enveloping tree.

Those leaves were trying seductively to turn up the heat within her for such explosive beauty that resembled the beauty of the characters that invaded her stories. Well, they have succeeded since she took out her notebook and started drawing that picture by expressing all the accumulated feelings she required from such an experience.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

A Piece of a Puzzle

I can handle being alone but the feeling of loneliness is what I fear. It is ripping my heart and agonizing my soul. I feel like I am a piece of a jigsaw puzzle awaiting a hand that will unravel the mystery beyond its confinements. I wish I could be certain that at least I am the last missing piece, which will complete the whole. Definitely, it would make me feel the importance of my existence. What if I am just one of the other pieces which its existence or absence does not make a difference? Do I complete the picture or am I just a corner piece of decoration that could be lost without affecting the whole.

I remember once, at the university, I was asked about marriage and my answer was it would mean finding a person who would be my other half and would complete me. For my shock, rage was the outcome of such a statement. I was told that I am complete and do not need anyone or anything to do so. Unfortunately, I did not feel it at that time and still do not. I am still walking in the journey of discovering whatever would complete me so I can feel whole.

My thoughts extend beyond the clouds searching the vast horizon for a meaning to my life. I am desperate to experience the sensation of solving the mystery that has been tormenting my soul. I am ready to put the pieces of my life together.